i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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