every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
