I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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