You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
