Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
