I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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