somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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