Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
