If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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