loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
