why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
