I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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