Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
