Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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