Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
and you fell through a lawn chair
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
