next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
