im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
