so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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