pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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