I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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