New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
