I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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