I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
