apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
