then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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