he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
