You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
