I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
