Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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