I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
