Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
