we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
