omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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