well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
