i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
