he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
