What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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