I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
