So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
