omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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