Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
