Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
