I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
