Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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