Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
