What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
