I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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