Small penises have feelings too.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
