So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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