this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I need to sanitize my soul.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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