I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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