that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
