Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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