Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
