I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
