There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
