Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
