I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
